A Penny 4 Your Thoughts

Can't Win for Losing

2010-12-03T13:57:00.000-05:00

In light of the cold snap we've been experiencing lately, the utility companies around these parts are threatening to shut off services to hundreds (probably closer to thousands) of customers who can't pay or haven't paid their bills. Meanwhile, those who are fortunate enough to be able to pay will have to foot the bill with higher rate increases (that seem to occur every quarter).

What, are they just going to let people freeze to death? People stand in long ass lines at one non profit agency to get help with their heating bills and then run across town to another agency to get food vouchers to keep from starving. Further still, they have to back track to yet another agency to get help with the rent just so they'll have a place to stay for another month.

Aid to non profits is down, demand is way up and disproportionately high. All this running around for naught.

Too many people in need + not enough money to go around = a recipe for disaster.

This thing is about to blow, for real.

The hawk is here to stay.

Bipartisanship be damned. If they don't get it together, and soon, civil unrest is right around the corner.

Call of Duty Too

2010-11-19T04:00:00.003-05:00

What's up with absentee fathers forging a relationship way past the diapers, formula, first words, first steps, first day of school? Like, maybe he can relate to him/her now and explain his absence. Why punish the child because you didn't want to be responsible? I'm not just talking about the no-job-havin-multiple-baby-mama knuckleheads either.

Moving cross country or halfway 'round the world is a piss poor excuse for being MIA; too many forms of communication exist. Those formative years can be hell on a single mama (cue all things teenager-y). Kids need more than financial support, especially the males. They have more than their fair share of strikes just for being who they are.

I have a friend whose son's father has four kids with four different women. Her child is the oldest, and they were together-together for a couple of years after his birth. He's probably seen this child a total of three times in the ten years since they split up. She had to go through hell and high water to get c.s. (and boy did he cut.the.fool when he got that next paycheck, tehehe).

Still, when he comes home on leave, he finds time to visit every child except my friend's, but he (the child) loves him in spite of the random contact. Imagine that? Meanwhile, she's worried about her child's timidity, his lack of interest in sports, will history repeat itself, will he even like girls. WTF? What does all that have to do with his deadbeat daddy? He could be in that boy's life and it wouldn't change a thing other than he'd be in his life. I think she's a tad bit confused about what a dad is/supposed to be. From the outside looking in, her son seems to be better off without him. He's a great kid with exceptional manners and he makes good grades. She's done an amazing job raising him to be a man, and as long as she does what she's supposed to do, he'll be fine.

The Man Your Man Could Smell Like

2010-11-17T00:00:00.006-05:00

(the title of this post was taken from THAT Ol.d Spi.ce commercial)

Is it a wife's job to support her husband and not fight against him? I heard a pastor say once that if the husband's final decision is wrong, she should stand by him (or his decision) and not criticize.

Mmhmm.....

A nurse I worked with refused to 'let' her husband, an unemployed engineer, work at a burger joint for $300 a week. He couldn't find anything else and hated being a 'house husband' (his words). He felt guilty seeing her go off to work everyday while he sat at home. She said no husband of hers would ever take a job flippin' burgers for that lil bit of chump change. She would rather work 16 hour days, 7 days a week. And no, they were not downsizing from their $2800/mth McMansion, selling any of the 3 cars (that all have notes and full coverage), and the kids were not coming out of their $800/mth private preschool/grade school to free up some money. What was he thinking?

"She could be an anchor in stormy seas or she could let him drift onto the rocks.."

She'd rather work like a dog herself to keep up a lifestyle they obviously couldn't afford. She was more concerned about what the neighbors thought if they saw him in uniform at the fast food joint. Besides, he'll come home smellin' like grease everyday. He barely saw her anymore, and when he did, she was too tired to (in no particular order) cook, talk or make love. He was used to being the provider and he wanted to work, no matter what. He wanted to feel 'like a man'.

In this age of I-gotta-degree-or-two-and-he-better-have-a-white-collar-job-too-cause-I-got-standards, would I have a problem with this? Nope, 'cause $300/wk is $1200/mth and that's better than $0 any day of the week. How do I know he won't become the manager/regional manager/v.p. of sales/el presidente/franchisee/or-whatever else comes after that? Has the potential to smell like success. Sure, it'll take a lil' time, but he may have just found his niche, I dunno.

"A woman could be the wind beneath a man's sails or a gale to send him into uncharted waters.."

Hmmm...

FB Freakin'

2010-11-15T01:08:00.000-05:00

"Good mornin', FB fam...."

Responses: "Mornin' sunshine....", "Did you sleep well, brown eyes?", "U up already? We chatted well into the night..."

He goes ballistic, accusing you of being a flirtin/lyin/cheatin' snake in the grass (well, his words were a lot more unkind) and threatens to end the relationship.

Did I mention she has a boyfriend with a husband on the side?

Guess which one he is? (and the first two don't count)

"Let him keep actin' up...dude in (another state who she 'met' on FB) told me to come on up anytime..."

(Penny) "Oh, is that XYZ?"

(FB Freak, impatiently) "No, that's ZYX, you know, the one that sent me a pic...."

Technology got ya'll actin' a plum straight fool...

'Beauty' Shop Talk

2010-11-04T22:18:00.000-04:00

I had (reluctantly) volunteered to pick up my niece from the shop on Wednesday. Guess what I heard in the twenty minutes I was there?

"No, I didn't vote..."

"I didn't like any of the candidates runnin' for office, so why bother.."

"On the news they said you only had 3 minutes in the booth..shoot, that wouldna been enough time for me to make up my mind.."

I frowned and shook my head, willing the beautician working on my niece to hurry.the.hell.up.

"I told ya'll Al.vin Gr.een was gonna mess up my straight party vote. Ain't no way I was votin for that fool.."

"These in between elections don't matter anyway. I only vote for the president.."

The list of pathetic excuses of 'why I didn't vote' went on and on. An old friend of my dearly departed Grandma sat silently flipping through some random magazine. She nodded at me.

"Did you vote, Penny?"

"Yes ma'am." I shuffled uncomfortably 'cause I knew what was coming next. My neice chose that moment to come through, finally.

"And how did you vote?" She's never one to mince words and loves to challenge me.

"I split the ticket." You could have heard a pin drop.

Grandma's friend smiled. "We taught you well."

Boom! Eye Want What You Have

2010-08-04T22:01:00.000-04:00

Did a booming economy create the need for undocumented workers? While we ignored all the signs that the Great Recession was inevitable, illegal immigrants flocked to this country to get a piece of the pie too, working for 'legitimate' companies who were all too willing to pay them under the table. Now that the economy has tanked, there's an uproar over enforcing a law that's been on the books for years. Why? The dismal unemployment rate is a big factor.

Granted, the types of jobs that many immigrants have are less desirable (non construction, migrant farmers, restaurant, hotel clean-up) to our more educated brethren and sisters, but a piece of a job is better than no job, right? Who's going to replace these workers if they are deported? If I had a nickel for every time I've heard, "I'll take any job right about now," in the past few weeks, the fam and I could enjoy dinner at a nice restaurant and a movie every night for a week.

Would these same unscrupulous businesses hire us? Maybe. Because they are being investigated and fined now for hiring undocumented workers, they can't afford to hire as many people now. The ones they do hire may make a dime or two more above minimum wage, you know, because they have to pay into the system now. Benefits (if offered) are unaffordable for a family, and with states slashing their social program budgets it's back to the ER for a Ben.adryl, Tyle.nol or some Robi.tus.sin because of..you guessed it..no insurance. No Oxy.codone or Loritab for you, mista.

But wait a minute..illegal immigrants qualified for free health care, food stamps, housing..everything that a no income, low income citizen with papers (SS cards) were virtually guaranteed when things were good. Now that piece of a job that doesn't cover the most basic of necessities is a disqualification for any of those good things. Is the hope of an unemployment check (with fingers crossed) better than a piece of a job that requires no skill and is an affront to my prideful, educated self? Absolutely not. Somebody has to work these jobs, why not you or me?

America's greed backfired on ALL of us BIG time. And why is there so much red tape involved in becoming legal? The cameras are RIGHT THERE at the border so it's not likes it's a surprise. Is it a racial thing (Latino vs. every other nationality), NAFTA, what is it? I know, squeeze who you can while you can until boom goes bust. In the meantime, doctors, accountants, the person-on-fries-at-Micky D's, teachers, janitors..are all "robbin' Peter to pay Paul" somewhere in this great country of ours. Shameful.

F U Too, Party of No

2010-06-25T17:57:00.000-04:00

Senate Republicans, yet again, have voted 'no' on a measure to extend unemployment benefits.

"The only thing Republicans have opposed in this debate are job-killing taxes and adding to the national debt." -Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.)

I'm so sick of these bastards.

The global war on terrorism has done much to bankrupt this country, but I guess that doesn't add to the national debt. What about the war on poverty right here in Amerikkka?

Charity truly does begin at home. Here in my county, free breakfast and lunch are provided for any child throughout the summer, which is a good thing, because there was a 32% jump in homeless children reported by the school district this past year. I imagine it'll be worse in a couple of months. I know from first hand experience that a parent will forgo eating for their child's sake.

Let's face it, there aren't enough jobs to go around. Thousands of the jobs lost in the recession are gone for good (subprime mortagage brokers, psuedo banks created/owned by BofA and others of their ilk for one). I hear Ford is making a 'comeback' of sorts and GM's workers don't get a summer break which is really good news for their employees. However, we can't get away from "made in China/Vietnam/Korea/Indonesia" to save our lives. I know we're in debt up to our eyeballs to China, but come on! Bring some of these damn jobs back H.anes, Ni.ke, H.P, Web.er, A.T&T, Ver.izon. I know those 'free' trade agreements ya'll made with the devil did wonders for your bottom line; ours, not so much.

How can you show compassion for others (victims of natural disasters in other parts of the world) but don't apply it here at home under the auspices of stopping the President's spending spree? If emergency dollars aren't granted, how else are the unemployed going to meet the basic necessities of life (food, shelter). Living paycheck to paycheck is challenging enough. Unemployment check to unemployment check is even more disheartening. NO check behind some Republican BS is simply unacceptable.

Indirectly, just because....

J.I.C.S.

2010-06-19T06:56:00.000-04:00

"A just in case shit fund has nothing to do with trust."

It tickles me that I get so much flack for that statement from my married friends and cohorts. I don't see anything wrong with having a separate account that Penny funds outside of her normal financial responsibilities. As long as the bills are paid, what's your problem?

"It's dishonest." He knows about it.
"It's like you don't trust him." I trust this man and his role in my life.
"Are you expecting something to happen? I mean, it's like signing a prenuptial agreement." He replaced Ma Dukes as the beneficiary on the account the next business day.
"Why can't you just ask him for..." *blank stare*

And on and on. Oh, it hasn't changed anything with me, as I had this account way before jumping the broom. We merged finances, sure, but I didn't see a need to close the account altogether or add him to it. We pretty much balance each other out when it comes to saving, spending, investing, etc. There was a discussion years ago when a bank statement showed up in the mail (way before online banking, a beautiful, wonderful thing, btw) about why I still had the account to which I explained (a) it had a bomb diggity credit card attached to it with great rates at the time, (b) it was closer to my favorite mall and (c) it was close to Ma Dukes an'em, you know, just in case shit..

It wasn't a deal breaker for either of us. If he felt a certain type of way about me not trusting him he never let on about it. Is that a man thing? I don't know.

Ma Dukes didn't raise no fool. I was privy to much of the deterioration of my parents' marriage, finances being one of too many obstacles for them to overcome. Her struggles as a single parent having to literally start over were not lost on me and plays a big part in me holding on to what's mine. Besides, it doesn't hold an astronomical amount of money, but just enough. She didn't advocate hiding money from your spouse, only keeping something for a rainy day for yourself. That was a part of our conversation along with "keep the Pastor and his minions out of your relationship."

I don't think most people go into a marriage thinking 'when' not 'if' concerning divorce, hopefully due diligence is done by both parties before saying 'I do', but we all know what can happen (irreconcilable differences, anyone?). Might as well be semi-prepared. Just my $.02...

A Real Sicko

2010-06-04T02:09:00.000-04:00

The powers that be are still 'debating' on whether this classifies as a hate crime. Geesh...

The Block is Hot

2010-06-02T14:41:00.000-04:00

School's out for the summer, and along with it comes out of control hormones and experimental ism. The battle between peer pressure and free will rages on. "An idle mind is the devil's playground" is a cliche I've heard more times than I care to remember around this time every year. With the reduction of funds for summer programs and limited spaces for those needing financial assistance, more kids will be forced to stay home alone or with older siblings, who in turn don't want to be relegated to babysitting all day. "Summer" jobs are a thing of the past so older teens and young college students are stuck with one another until mid-August. Oh, the joy...

Once upon a time, it was nothing for us to grab a group of friends and go swimming (weather permitting) or catch a flick at the 'discount' theater a few times a week. Hell, it was even cool to go to the public library if the mood hit you. We had things to do to keep us busy. Sadly, the Arcade has gone the way of the high top fade and boom boxes. Now everyone has their own PS3 or Wii and the same games so there's no need to even step foot outside the house; besides, it's too hot. Sleeping in has its privileges, but it gets boring after about a week, or so I'm told. Enter weed smokin' William, promiscuous Pam and Alcoholic Adam with their tales of how to 'get down' for the summer. Let's not forget George the gangbanger with his mayhem and foolishness. Big Mama and 'nem done gone on to the Great Beyond so they are no longer an option for 'keeping the kids.'

Churches used to have programs for kids during the summer, even if it was just for 2-3 days out of the week. These days, a 'free' week of VBS for 2.5 hours a day is about all you get. Most of them are run like corporations anyway, and you have to pay for every little thing (and bring your own lunch). Personally, I think they could take the monies from the building fund, the life center fund, men's day fund, womens' day fund, etc. and have enough to run a summer camp for free* as another alternative. There are a hundred churches within a 10 mile radius around these parts, so I don't think it would be a stretch. I know we're in a recession, but that hasn't stopped them from collectin' these different 'offerings' every Sunday and Wednesday in between. Donations are accepted, too.

I know some folks don't have a choice, but 'stay-at-home-for-free' sounds a lot better than $90-$125/wk per child. Unless you're saving beforehand with that specific goal in mind and depending on the number of kids, not too many of us have that kind of moolah lying around. Putting it on a credit card is out of the question. What's a parent to do? Tweens to teens are bombarded with contradictory messages of abstaining or indulging in every vice known to man from a.m. to p.m. You can't be with your child(ren) 24-7 (and who'd want to) so there has to be some communication between the two parties.

I remember Ma Dukes giving her infamous 'don't bring no babies home' speech the summer before high school. If I heard it once I heard it a thousand times. This was in the crack-killed-AppleJack-teen pregnancy-AIDS-epidemic euphoria of the mid-80's. Amid our 'whatchu talkin' bout, Ma' and 'we ain't thinkin' about no sex' denials, we never once heard "don't do drugs, don't drink alcohol, don't have sex." I guess it was implied from our Baptist upbringing not to do these things. She specifically said, 'don't bring no babies home."

So we didn't.

That didn't stop us from attending house parties where drugs and alcohol were included in the 'fun' as was sex in the 'back' room; we just didn't indulge yet. Back then a look from her was all it took; today, you need a lil' bit more reinforcement. Fast forward some 20- odd years and it's the same shyt, different day.

Should I drink? Dad comes home from work, drinks a beer, eats dinner and drinks until he passes out some nights. Mom says that's how he relaxes after a hard day's work. It's in the fridge, i.e. easy access. Screw 'do as I say not as I do'.

Should I try weed? Jeff was high at choir rehearsal last night. No one seemed to notice (or care). He didn't 'need' it; he just liked the way it made him feel, he admitted.

Should I give 'it' up? I'll get a head start on the new b****es in high school next year. Maybe the guys will pay me more attention this time. (Not the kind you want, suga).

These se.x education, and Re.d Rib.bon Week programs** (which evolved from the Say.No.to. Drugs campaign) in elementary schools are the introduction most kids get to these vices. 'I'll try anything once' and 'I get high just because' frequently lead to addiction . Whatever you're trying to escape from is still there when you come 'down' so what's the point? I'm not saying these programs aren't effective for some, but they mean little if these lessons aren't reinforced at home or somewhere else other than school. I wonder how many young people unintentionally become addicts because "there's nothing to do."

*Nothing in life is free, but there are ways to go about these things.
**If I didn't have kids I honestly wouldn't know these programs still existed.

The Quarterback and the Cheerleader

2010-05-20T05:18:00.016-04:00

In a scene from this movie, the quarterback of the team is pimp-slapped silly* by his wife during a heated argument where he contemplates retirement, due to a possible career ending injury. She believes he's still a great quarterback. He's the injured party..wouldn't he know when it's time to hang up the cleats? He was discouraged because of his injury, the new owner of the team thinks he's over-the-hill, the team itself is in turmoil, and he may just be a little intimidated by the heir apparent whose waiting on his chance at stardom. However, quitting is not an option.

Role Reversal
Does she see something in him that tells her he's not ready to give it all up? Maybe. Is she just addicted to the lifestyle that his occupation affords ~~her~~ them? Possibly. The point is, she still believes in him and his abilities. She does not allow him to wallow in self pity and encourages him to ~~stop whinin'~~ get back on his grind (in his case, go to physical therapy/rehab) and get back to being the leader/go getter that he is. I mean, she's on his ass! He eventually makes it back to starting QB.

Who's quarterbacking this thing? She is, of course. Did she have to do this? Not at all. As his wife/helpmate she should WANT TO.

help·mate n. A helper and companion, especially a spouse.

In a 'traditional' marriage, the husband is the head/leader of the family, the wife is his helper, simple as that. There is balance (at least there should be); she may be strong in areas where he's weak and vice versa. In this example, the QB's wife encouraged him to not give up. And real talk, ~~she~~ the family was used to a certain standard of living. There are additional perks to being a part of the club.

However, she's his biggest cheerleader.

Get him back to where he needs to be and fall back.

Know your role and play your position. Make him feel like SUPERMAN (and I don't mean Shaq-fu and certainly not D.wight How.ard).

His woman's got his back, to hell with what everyone else says or thinks. Don't help them beat him up. At the end of the day it's you two against the world.

*This is only one of the many story lines of this movie. Also, I don't condone violence of any kind in any relationship.

A False Sense of Security

2010-05-04T23:47:00.000-04:00

for you, PC

Work hard, pay your bills (on time) and save some money. Keep everything in balance and take a vacation, buy a boat. Shore up the rainy day fund, the retirement account(s) and the kids' college funds. Generational wealth is within the grasp of many who never thought it possible for them. As we climbed on the backs of the baby boomers (our parents or for some, grandparents) whose unparalleled work ethic made it possible, life is good. Capitalism at its finest.

Wall Street f***ed over Main Street and threw the global economy into a tailspin that affected every aspect of LIFE. Who's to blame?

Who am I kidding, globalization and creative financing have (collectively) turned the American dream into a global nightmare. Business and financial gurus on Wall Street have been deceiving the public for decades, yet the road to prosperity was still attainable. Now, not so much. Sell debt to the middle class (who are almost non existent now) and you've got the makings of an incredible sink hole. The Great Recession was inevitable.

We've been sold out by laissez-faire capitalism while the S.EC turned a blind eye, because there's no way they couldn't know of BigBusiness' politricks. In the meantime, they continue to outsource our jobs, not caring that there's not much here (without an education) to replace them. High dollar manufacturing jobs and those created by the housing boom are long gone. With the high cost of living, the current minimum wage is barely sustainable for an average family of four. A majority of workers who entered the job market right out of high school and who've been on the job for 20-30 years, have no desire to go back to school to learn something new. Unfortunately, they risk falling further through the cracks of a broken economy. Unemployment benefits and public assistance aren't always a sure thing.

Let's face it, there are only so many service-type jobs to go around. I'm not implying that these are the only jobs available, and something's always better than nothing. One would have to work two maybe three to break even; and forget about benefits. Poverty and prosperity are directly related to higher education or the lack thereof; however, going to college and/or finding a good job doesn't guarantee security anymore. People are living paycheck to paycheck, and now that shit has hit the fan, the haves don't want the have-nots to have nothing. Sadly, anger and resentment have replaced compassion in this me-myself-and-I society.

Pundits argue that people shouldn't have bought homes they couldn't afford. Those people weren't the only ones at fault for this crisis. During the housing boom everyone and they're damned momma sold real estate, refinancing their homes multiple times to buy and flip houses to beef up their own net worth. It's a great idea when done properly and not at the expense of those ignorant of the true ramifications of owning a home.

Greed had become the American way; builders, bankers and mortgage brokers were all in bed together having a grand ole time. A lot of the jobs in the financial sector were created by Big Banks that wouldn't finance less credit worthy individuals but who still wanted a slice of the pie. Everyone was eatin' good and livin' good. Predatory lenders offered financial products that were bound to fail, and now their employees, who probably also bought homes during this period, are unemployed too.

Again I ask, who's to blame? Everyone wants to point the finger, but no one wants to shoulder the blame. All of us must take some responsibility for maintaining the status quo and not demanding change. Bipartisanship be damned, they passed the buck and we fell for the okie doke.

T.I.M.E. to Respect Yourself

2010-04-27T16:51:00.003-04:00

"Boy, these kids today don't care about nothin' and nobody. No home trainin' to speak of; they think it's all about them..."

This consensus came from a group of grandmothers at a gathering I attended recently. Now whose children they were speaking of I do not know, ~~because my angels know better~~, but the ringleader of the group referenced all kids in her mini rant. Last I heard, teenagers did teenager-y things, nothing new under the sun. To listen to her you'd think that everyone under the age of 21 was the devil's spawn, lol.

Times are a lot different now, and we are far removed from "it takes a village." Sure, most people still respect their elders, but I have to admit I too am dismayed at the alarming rate of the 'youngins' outright disrespect of people in authority (parents, teachers, preachers, etc.) Something is happening with our young people, and it's not all B.E.T's fault. We have to share some responsibility for this madness too, and no, sending your child to boot camp is not always the answer. Life is busy, I get that. I get that you may have to work 2 jobs to make ends meet, believe me I KNOW.

Talk to me.
Inspire me.
   Motivate me.
     Encourage me.

My teens and I have caught an episode or two of '16.And.Pregnant' ('cause 2 is about all I could stomach), and my concern is not that the child is pregnant but how disrespectful these teens are to their parents/grandparents. I mean, at what point is it okay to curse your parents or cop an attitude because YOU got pregnant and YOUR social life IS about to do a 360? Still rollin' around in cars/trucks/SUVs, talkin' on BBs/sidekicks and no job. Chile, please!

My oldest son confessed that he stopped hanging around a couple of 'friends' because they were talking back to the teachers and getting kicked out of class, with one recently getting expelled for doing some dumb ish. I never asked him why they didn't come around anymore, I just figured they grew apart as teens do when they hit high school and are exposed to 'new' people. My daughter relayed a similar situation with an ex-friend of hers who was ~~fast~~ with the guys and cursed out the vice principal when he caught her (them) in a compromising position. WTF?

Disrespectful kids grow up to be disrespectful adults (if they're allowed to live that long). Wannabe gang bangers, from the suburbs no less, will do some dumb ish to get street cred (aka respect). Why? In 5-7 years 98% of these people won't matter. What turns you off about striving to do your best? A clique of teenage girls pop out babies like they're having some kind of contest to see who can put the ultrasounds and baby pics up first on My.space and FB. Ludicrous, I know, but I've seen it with my own eyes.

FB status of a 16 y.o. teen mother (scantily clad I might add): "Can't nobody tell me nothing..I got two babies AND my own crib and I don't give a damn what you think about it. Imma take care of me and mine." Hmm, wonder who she's talking to?

Something about that scenario will make another young chic think, "well I can do it too. It's all good." Honey, you have no idea.

Apparently, the girl's mother grew tired of the foolishness and kicked the girl out along with her two babies. Not sure where this crib is that she speaks so highly of, but I doubt this attitude popped up overnight. So at what point did it start, before or after she became a mother? My daughter said she was a quiet, honor roll student before all of this happened. What changed her? Did she lack attention? Did her mom or some other adult in her life chastise her for getting pregnant the first time? Inquiring minds want to know.

Don't get me wrong, my kids (and nieces and nephews galore) have definitely attributed to the couple of gray hairs ~~hiding~~ on top of my head. I get the side eye and the huffin' and puffin' too (Lord knows they got it honest, lol). Have they disappointed me, made me angry enough ~~to grab my Louisville Slugger out of the trunk~~, sure, but I have always treated them with respect; God knows I'm far from perfect.

I understand where the older generation is coming from, but I don't think the youngins are a lost cause yet. Some kids are so beat down by the time they become teenagers they're more or less like, "to hell with it." I think it's dangerous to write these teenagers off because they screwed up. After a while some kids just can't be helped. We should at least try.   Though constructive criticism is good, encouragement in spite of (insert infraction here) goes a long way. We all have a story to tell..remember those dayz?

HA-LAY-LU-YER! Spring is here...FINALLY!

2010-03-29T18:02:00.003-04:00

It's been here for over a week, but I'm just now getting to enjoy it.

Forecasters in my area predict a week of sunshine-y weather with temperatures in the high 70's/low 80's ALL WEEK.

Kids are out for Spring Break this week.

You know what that means?

Yup....ROAD TRIP!

Love Will Keep Us Together

2010-03-16T04:05:00.000-04:00

"Do you love your spouse?"

I posed this question at random to some couples at an informal get together recently. I was surprised at a few of the responses, given that these couples have been together (married with children) for 10+ years.

"Of course I do."

"___is the best thing that ever happened to me."

"Yeah, but..."

"Penny, why you comin at us with this bullshyt now?"

I got this from the guys and the girls, lol. Inquiring minds want to know. Anyway, two of the couples, I know for sure, have had indiscretions over the years but stayed together for appearances. They are more concerned about what the congregation thinks of them since they've been called to lead a marriage retreat coming up in a couple of months. More concerned about having to downgrade lifestyles if they split up. Not one word is mentioned about the children (who hear you arguing all the time and complain to Auntie P about it). One wife, despite having multiple degrees, put her life on hold to 'keep house' and has not used nary a one because "he said..." Surprise, surprise, 'he' is one of the cheaters.

In another couple's case, Wifey was the offender and her husband recently found out. From what I gathered, he gets perks on the job for being married and that was a reason for him to stay. She depends on him for just about everything, so he feels like he has the upper hand. Keep believin' that, buddy.

Another couple plays tit-for-tat when it comes to infidelity, and to them it's all good. "We had kids too early and married young. If I could do it all over again I would have waited; marriage ain't what it's cracked up to be. I'm just living life right now."

R.U.SERIOUS?

Yep, as a heart attack, and she didn't blink an eye when she said it. None of them mentioned love as a reason why they're still together. I found that sad, yet fascinating. I think it's much deeper than a mid life crisis (this was a 40 and under crowd) and moreso character flaws on all their parts. Hell, nobody's perfect, but if you don't want to be with me, then don't be with me. I can't imagine being that unhappy for that long for the sake of appearances; I love MYSELF too much.

For the most part, the majority of the couples at this gathering seemed to be genuinely happy with each other, although you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. Body language speaks volumes, and let's just say you could see the subtle differences in the couples I mentioned above and the ones who were touchy/feely with each other. Nothing over the top, but you could FEEL the love. In spite of the lonely-single-black-female dramedy playing out in the media, there's still hope.

Race In the Place

2010-03-02T01:10:00.035-05:00

"Penny, I understand why you and TwoFive think I'm a racist. I don't think I am, but I get where ya'll are coming from. I mean, I was raised in a period where things were just different. But I'm not mad at you for calling me out like that. Hell, I actually respect you more for it..."

What?

This one-sided convo last week with a coworker came out of the clear blue sky (a handful of us were discussing the Win.ter O.lympics, yeah, go figure). His comment stemmed from the drama that was the 2008 election campaign and his (we'll call him ConFed) stance that if O.bama won it was because WE (blacks, and yes he actually said this) would come out in droves to vote for him. This cat is a Fo.x Ne.ws Cha.n.n.el stan. We had to hear this shit ev-er-y-day until the powers that be (for fear of mutiny, lol) pulled him aside to 'counsel' him. From what I've been told, he was quiet only when we weren't around. Who knew it was that serious? We actually had a meeting about this nonsense, the whole this-is-no-place-for-politics-or-religion-and-we-have-to-work-together speech. As you can imagine, fools were EXTRA salty on Nov. 6, 2008; you could feel the tension in the air.

ConFed and TwoFive are children of the 60's/early 70's; one white one black, and I get that their life experiences are totally different. All was well until O.bama had the audacity to run for President, and then the truth reared its ugly head. There was a thin veil of civility among people who, once before, had no qualms about meeting for lunch or attending a sports event together. The unspoken mantra to 'agree to disagree' almost brought folks to blows.

Ma Dukes, who retired from a job she held for 30 years, said some of her friends were trippin' too. Again, I ask, who knew it was that serious?

ConFed's pressure eventually returned to normal, and while we're cordial with one another, things will never be the same. When the earthquake hit Haiti a month ago, he made some disparaging remarks about that too (cue ol' dude from the 7.0.0 Club), but I was neither shocked or saddened. Why? Because I expected nothing more from him. He tried to appear compassionate when they pulled the little boy out of the rubble a week later. I smiled and kept it movin'. Please, if it wobbles and quacks like a duck it's a m*f*kn duck. Bitch, you's a racist!*

Race is not an issue for me, especially on the job. When it comes to my paper, I can work along side the devil (and have come across him times a-plenty on my journey) ConFed is a card carrying member of the Confederation, hence my blog name for him. BTW, he says he LOVES black women and swears that TwoFive reminds him of a woman he dated back in the day. TwoFive almost lost her lunch at that one. He actually wants to discuss the media's fascination with the single, lonely black woman with me and was on the receiving end of a serious side eye.

*Confed has always been opinionated; I'm only highlighting what I consider the turning point in his relationship with his black/brown/yellow/green/blue coworkers. He tried to talk slick about MiJac and almost caught a beat down.

Choices

2010-02-18T02:36:00.012-05:00

I went to my 20 year high school class reunion recently and was pleasantly surprised to see that a number of my classmates were either pregnant or had newborns/toddlers. One mommy-to-be worked two jobs for years while her hubby was in medical school, and by mutual decision, waited until he was finished and established . Another had a series of miscarriages and was finally able to bring a baby to term (she had a healthy baby boy 9 days later), and yet another was a surrogate for her younger sister who was unable to conceive due to endometriosis. While waiting on my drink at the bar, I came upon a conversation between another group of classmates:

"Can you believe so and so is pregnant?" *gasp*

"Now she knows she's too old to be running after a toddler...GAWD!"

"Her oldest just started high school; that's just like starting ova..."

"We're over 35..there might be something wrong with the baby..."

The list of negative BS went on and on. Mind you, this diverse group of women (ol skool) included two classmates who are grandmothers, one with 5 kids (ages 19, 18, 17 and 16 y.o. twins), one who has three baby daddies, and one is SWNK (by choice). Now there were others in this group conversation, but these are the quotes I chose to blog about. I related their 'discussion' to a couple of coworkers whose opinions were like night and day and made my lunch hour much more animated, to say the least.

Coworker #1 (CW1) called the ol skool group a bunch of haters, jealous because they chose to become mommies sooner rather than later. "Those new mommies are courageous and overcame a lot to fulfill their dream of becoming mothers," she said.

Coworker #2 (CW2) felt that the ol skool group's 'concerns' were valid, and the new mommies should be more concerned about how their decision to wait (no matter the reason) would affect the children in the long run.

Huh?

She elaborated further by stating that the ol skool group (at face value) benefitted from "gettin it out of the way so they could start livin, you know."

"Well, by the time these new mommies reach retirement age, their kids will just be starting college and that will put them in the poor house. They'll be too old to enjoy their grandkids and where's the joy in that? And let's not talk about the increased risks of autism, down's syndrome and other health challenges to kids of women over 35. It's just not fair to the kids. They should just get a dog or two." She laughed, I guess to warm the air around us which had suddenly become quite chilly. I was dumbfounded, and CW1 was chomping at the bit, lol.

CW2, went on further to say that older mothers would be shunned by younger mothers at birthday parties, MMO, field trips, etc. because of the age difference. I don't know where CW2 got these statistics, whether she conducted her own survey or if they were from personal experience. I don't know what her life story is because we don't kick it like that outside of work. I assume she has kids because her office is plastered with pictures of the same kids in different poses. She could be an auntie; I don't care enough to find out.
CW1 is a divorced mom of 2 tweens, and we will sometimes switch schedules with one another to go on field trips or do lunch with the kids during the school year.
She recently entered the 'dirty 30's' and I'm close to singing a swan song to this decade, lol. My point being, what difference does it make how old we are? I'm sure one reason why we get along so well is because we have something in commmon, i.e. being a mom. CW1 said she was a change-of-life baby, meaning she was conceived during 'the change', and her mother was a good 20 yrs. older than her classmates' mothers. Her mother was the life of the party at all the kiddie function-sleepovers-what-have-you when she was a child. She believes her mother would have been the same had she been a 'traditional' mom. I tend to agree. I was strongly encouraged from that point on not to invite CW2 to our table anymore, lol.

Barring medical challenges to conceive (and outside of rape or not wrapping it up), most women choose the next step of motherhood. I'm sure my new mommy classmates took all of these concerns/fears into consideration when they made the decision to wait to have kids. I talked to a couple of them a few weeks after the event, and the consensus I got was, after the 'Big O', becoming a mom at this stage in life was the best thing ever. I cosigned heavily on that, too!

Your Life Depends On It

2010-02-05T09:11:00.002-05:00

This post was inspired by the fabulous-ness that is Jillian Michaels.

Jillian Michaels is the SHIZZ-NIT! Her new book, Master Your Metabolism breaks it down, detailing why it's so hard for us (women and men) to be healthy. If the goal is to lose weight, obviously being healthy is the key. But what if I just want to feel better?

The world system is based on profit FIRST, so just like BigBank, BigFoodCorp and BigPharma are thinking about their bottom line first; the consumer, not so much. The more unnatural shyt BigFoodCorp can use to create 'non-foods', i.e. processed shyt, the more injectable-pill-inhalants BigPharma will create to help us because we're clogged up from eating too much non-food. It's a conspiracy I tell ya!

In the meantime, every system in the human body is screwed . We all know that obesity is linked to killer diseases like hypertension (HBP), diabetes and cancer. Our hormones (male and female) get out of whack as we age, but they're also affected by the antibiotic-hormones given to Wilbur and Cow and Chicken. Don't fret my pet, BigPharma's got it under control. There's a pill for EVERYTHING under the sun (Extenze-e-e, anyone?). Trips me out how the doctors have their pads poised to write a prescription for whatever ails you, but there's supposedly no cure (except death) for the aforementioned diseases. Pill A lowers blood pressure/cholesterol but now your muscles ache. Take Pill B (likely an NSAID) twice a day for the muscle pain, but soon your tummy aches. Could it be you're bleeding internally from popping too many NSAIDs? Well, just cut Pill A in half and take 1/2 at breakfast and 1/2 at 3pm. Then take Pill B once every other day. If all else fails, Ol' Doc has a new pill that a BigPharma rep dropped off just the other day and it takes care of all-a-dat. What kind of foolishness...it's just like two magnets working against each other. Our bodies can only take so much for so long.

Cancer, MS, and other autoimmune diseases often come out of left field. HBP and diabetes are at times linked to genetics, so pill poppin' and insulin injectin' can't be helped. I know this. But at the end of the day, we are responsible for what we put in our mouths. Too much salt, too much sugar, too much charcoal (for you grill-meistahs out there, including me), too much processed crap and the list goes on and on and on and on and...

A surefire solution to these problems..buy organic. Sure, but that would entail sacrifice...that new bag/outfit, a killer pair of boots or a night out on the town...all from the same paycheck. I'm being sarcastic, but for most people buying organic foods would require a major revision in an ever-changing household budget held by the spaghetti straps of an uncertain economy.

I'm curious though, how did we differentiate food before the term organic became popular? I mean, Granny an'nem got by on a few acres (and a mule) and raised their own cows, pigs, chickens, etc. Heck, they grew their own fruits and veggies, too. Ma Dukes cooked real food, often twice a day, back in the day (eating out was a 'treat' back then, lol). I'm a Gen X-er, so I've had more than my fair share of convenience. My point is, food was organic long before BigFoodCorp came along with their genetically altered seeds and whatnot. So why do we have to pay more for organic now..shouldn't it be the other way around? Of course not, that's ludicrous! I have a choice between a 12oz.grape soda-nacho-cheese-honeybun or a 16oz.water-sunflower-seed-organic-orange? I'll take cheaper-sweeter-saltier for 500, Alex. We pay for convenience; the world is smaller now and moves almost at the speed of light. We're all busy-busy-busy and unknowingly (sometimes) killing ourselves. Sacrifice.....

This is where baby steps come into play. I certainly would not throw out every unhealthy item in the fridge or pantry; the groceries been bought and money's tight around these parts..what I look like? Call a meeting with the fam (if you have one) because these changes will affect them in a MAJOR way. Come to some kind of consensus with the picky/finicky eater, who is sure to raise all kinds of hell, and start anew. Instead of spending, say 50% of the weekly/biweekly/monthly grocery budget on unhealthy convenience, maybe reduce it to 30%. Challenge yourself to use the (new) 20% on more fruits and veggies (I'll go out on a limb and assume that most of us buy the good stuff anyway).

I wouldn't start off with the organic stuff either unless you just wanted to. Most grocery stores sell organic items now, but like I said baby steps. More veggies, less processed food/meat can go a long way. Learn how to cook, surf the 'net for new recipes to incorporate your "new" foods or coordinate a healthy potluck for family and friends. Just try something different for at least a week.

These small changes can improve heart health, decrease blood pressure and decrease or eliminate the need for insulin among other things. Might get a little crazy in your house what with the sugar withdrawals/gas/funky 'tudes and all. Give them a dose of re-al-i-tee: taking care of them entails taking care of you FIRST. Your life really does depend on it.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2010-01-01T16:39:00.016-05:00

I'm looking forward to this year's journey. Cheers!